Choose Your Words Wisely

Especially those you associate yourself to. Today, my memory brought me back to a typical day at the office sometime in year 2006 (14 years ago, what?!). I was called upon to speak to my manager sitting just across my cubicle. If my memory was right, it was about a solution change request that I have been working on but has yet to reflect the expected outcome in the tracking tool - not signed off by customer yet? Can't remember. As we discussed, looking at my manager's screen, apparently another colleague, let's address him as Mr. A, overheard our conversation. He was sitting behind my manager at what I believe was a flex desk, catered for people who simply need place to sit while working across geographies or local teams.

After our discussion, as I was about to leave for my cubicle again, Mr. A rolled backwards in his chair closer to my manager’s desk, close enough to have me paused and threw him a puzzled-surprised mix look that silently called out ‘what’s up’. He signaled to me over to his desk, wanting to convey something real quick it seemed. My manager has already left hastily for his meeting by then. I went up to him and with much kindness, care and in all seriousness, he told me, “Next time, don’t say ‘I failed to..’.” His words did not immediately sink in on me. My mind was already busy digging up the context of the conversation I had with my manager just a few minutes ago. Whatever his explanation was from there, I do not have much memory of. But, that first liner of his stubbornly stuck with me for many years to come, until today. I am not sure if he ever would know (unless I track him down and tell him) how his gesture of even care to remind me on that one fine morning has shifted my paradigm on choosing my words to an extent. Does it always work? Well, no, but it has certainly implanted a sound baseline that glares back at me every time in my mind, reminding me to choose better words that show more compassion and kindness toward myself. Words create meaning to our story, our story evokes certain emotions and note this, emotions determine the quality of our life. When we master our emotions, we master our life. Story that produces emotions which we rehearse over and over again form our beliefs and then our identity. As the saying goes, “Man is what he believes.”

So this is how it might have been like. I could be explaining to my manager that “I failed to convince the customer to approve and sign off the solution (words).” It was likely that I spoke softer and sounded in low confidence explaining that I have tried everything but produced no desirable results in accordance to the agreed timeline (meaning) while demonstrating that I lacked the skills and competence to get the job done (story). I felt disappointed and like a failure (emotions) and might have spent the rest of the day ruminating how did I let that happen. That would have been a critical moment to define what career success looked like for me while it was barely two years since I joined the workforce! So tell me if Mr. A has done me a huge favor with his well-intended interference, as such it stopped the crazy subconscious process from traveling down the rabbit hole and left me feeling unworthy. A nip in the bud, I shall say. Now let’s see how I can change that from the outset, “The customer has a few more questions that he would like to get to me before approving the solution. I have planned the meeting later today to hash those out and get it finalized by end of this week in time for the release (words).” The trick here is to state that such meeting has been planned even though I still need to do that. The planned action creates an urgency so that I feel accountable to execute (meaning). The adrenaline rush to meet the deadline would have driven me to make it happen no matter what. I would tell myself that “I can do this! (story)”. When I succeed in getting the approval, you would agree that my perception of success at work will look way more positive, let alone how I feel (emotions). And if by any chance the approval is not retrieved, what then? Change the words, as from what we can see here, our words can quite swiftly change our course of actions to arrive at a different outcome. The catch here is also this: If you have tried everything, you would have found the solution.

I would like to thank Mr. A from the bottom of my heart, wherever he is today, for the lesson he has kindly taught me. Choosing our words wisely is extremely important when we speak to ourselves and others. If we understand what words can influence and do to ourselves, it is a no-brainer that we should understand the impact they can create unto others as well, which hopefully are uplifting and empowering. Words can either be medicine or poison, so choose wisely. What are your thoughts on this, please share your views in the comments section below.