Keep Calm and The Solution Shall Come

The warning sign came flashing on the dashboard out of the blue, "Check Engine Oil Soon", and we were still about 45 minutes away from our destination. There were a lot of cars on the road on this day. I have to admit how clueless I was at the moment, though I understood that my car needs to be serviced as soon as possible. It happened on a Sunday afternoon and we still have roughly 2-hour travel time to and fro, to arrive home safely. It's winter time, which means it will probably be dark already on our way home later. It brought back some memories from four years ago when I had to drive a rather long journey to the south in the dark with a 3 year-old at the back of my car that was also partially filled with unused floorings which needed to be returned to its vendor for refund. I could feel the intensity once again - similar yet different.

In that instance, I had so many questions running through my head, "Should I drive home now instead of still heading to the place?", "Wouldn't it be a waste of time and resources to not enjoy the time after having driven for an hour or so?", "Should I stop at the nearest tank station to see if I can get any motor oil?", "Do I even know what to do with it after that?", "What oil type suits my car exactly?", "What if I didn't do it the right way?", "Hmm, does it make sense to do it on my own? It should be easy I think...", "Wait, where do I have the manual again?".....it went on and on. I was concerned and the chatters I had with my son earlier on, faded away. Deep inside, I kept wrestling with the choices I had.

After a while, I simply decided to acknowledge the warning sign and kept driving until we arrived at the shopping village around 3pm. It was an uncomfortable decision amidst the racing thoughts I had. After my car was safely parked, I quickly checked for some basic information on possible duration the car should still drive upon the triggered warning. What I found gave me some relief and perhaps a permission to go enjoy and have some fun while we were there. And so we did. The place was brimming with people and what already seemed like a bright Christmas atmosphere made everything feel so inviting, cosy and festive.

That evening as I stopped my car and we arrived home safely, my heart was indescribably filled with so much gratitude. For those who know more about cars than me, it's okay to have some chuckles here. I could feel the stress washed away from me, thinking: we got to enjoy the planned trip as well as not much of a hiccup happened on the road due to the warning sign. It was just a wonderful feeling. That night, I sat down to research what to do next. First, I looked up what motor oil I should be getting for my car, but 'oh my...' was that confusing. Due to Black Friday sales happening everywhere, all the ads went wild on my browser. Everything sounded like another foreign language to me, it would take me a while to figure this out. Perhaps I should just send my car to the service garage somewhere, I thought and hence began to look for one in the neighborhood's vicinity. Most of them were full and not book-able until after Christmas, and some even after New Year - except one in Amsterdam, located about 8.5km away, available directly in the next two days but I had to be fast. Then I found out, my car was due for the regulatory check-up and maintenance anyway, so everything was perfectly on time.

Yet, another round of concern settled in: "With that warning, can I drive another 8.5km during the peak hours in the morning to reach there on time? I had to first drop my son at his school....", "What if my car breaks down in the middle of the morning traffic?', "Should I wait there the whole day?", "Can I wait there the whole day?", "Should I call to ask?", "Hmm, is it even wise to wait there or better to work from home first?", "Is there a bus stop near the location?", "How far is the bus stop?", "How often do busses stop there?", "How long would it take to travel back and forth?", "Can I get a replacement car instead?", "What is the procedure..?", "How much would it cost?"....My mind, once again, was grilled with questions and weighing on all options, all at the same time. I took a sip of my hot beverage, and somehow, felt this sudden strong assurance coming from within, "You will be fine, you have done this before." Not literally, but indeed, other situations where I have been were way worse than this and I survived!

Well, that was a long story. However, I realized that we all would have such versions of personal tales to share, once in a blue moon, where many things could happen simultaneously, rendering us not quite sure what to do, more so building on the stress and discomfort we might feel in the moment. In the past, I would have felt even more confused with heart palpitations and panic attacks of some sort, before tearing up under stress with anxiety. But over the years, I have understood better that life always gave us what we needed the most to learn and grow - that's how our consciousness evolves. I could not necessarily pinpoint what changed, but certainly there is a deeper knowing that all is well, and be patient as you allow clarity to set in. That's when you can start seeing things in perspective and the solution will emerge on its own. When I reflected on what happened, it boiled down to these few things:

Don't decide when you feel confused or unsettled

The moment when way too many questions are popping into the mind, simply be aware of them but not identify with them. The latter means you keep some distance from the thoughts you have and emotions you feel, and be an observer of your own mind. In that moment of pause, you are aware of being aware. You can feel how the thoughts you have give rise to the feelings you get and all the bodily sensations you might be feeling then.

You might feel the urge to do something so that you can relieve yourself immediately from the havoc within, but this is where things may go wrong. Without clarity, it feels like shooting in the dark hoping that you aim right at the target. As a result, the feeling of uncertainty will be intensified unnecessarily. Notice how your mind easily goes from one idea of how things may go wrong to another, as much as you fervently trace it, because those are the exact instructions you give to it subconsciously. Where focus goes, energy follows suit. So, no matter how uncomfortable you may feel, you will need to let the discomfort run its course and not falter. It will be a scene that is somehow playing at the back of your mind while you stay alert on what's happening in the moment.

Always set the intention that things will go well

This is a habit that we can all get used to - decide to win and come out strong. Instead of succumbing to the default survival mode thinking about everything that could go wrong, you can learn to expect the best and watch what happens. Expecting the best is none other than a decision you make in the moment, requiring no overthinking and overanalyzing. Simply decide that things will turn out well, in the way that serves you, no matter how impossible it may seem at that time.

Once you have made such a decision, you are directing your mind to be more organized and slowly reveal various options that you can consider, which previously were obscure to you. You will also feel how the overwhelm you have transformed into a sense of calmness all over you, as though everything is taken care of. Setting that intention is all you have to do to stay on track with things. After all, it is still a better option than to let your thoughts and feelings run amok, throwing you into a state of outright fear and confusion. It is true how we tend to complicate things when it should ideally be that simple. Have you ever wondered about your own situation?

Chunk down the approach to move forward

Every problem will seem huge and impossible to tackle until you break it down to what you can do, one step at a time. In the same manner how our mind easily spirals towards the worst case scenario, the problem will be scrutinized in such a way in our head and soon be exacerbated by means of our ego to block our mental clarity and put us into inaction. Every direction you turn to is greeted with, "It's too difficult", "It's not possible", "How am I going to overcome this?" or the likes, you get the idea. What if this is merely a puzzle that you need to solve? Once you return to a calm and composed state of being, it will be much easier to see the problem for what it is and be able to identify the next small step that you can take.

When I acknowledged that I needed to do something about the warning showing on the dashboard, I actually drove to the nearest tank station to check if there was anything I could do. In fact, that was when I came to know that the engine oil is not something that you simply purchase to fit. It has to match the car engine type to bring about optimal performance and long-term maintenance care. As subtle as it was, that was my next 'clue' after stopping at the tank station which I otherwise would not have known. One clue then led to another which ultimately convinced me, I needed help with it. At that time, it has strengthened my decision to continue our journey and think about it later. I would either have ruined our day out and still not solved anything or we would simply enjoy the rest of the day and find an expert to advise when business reopens the next day.

The key lies in that first small step you know you can take in the moment of discomfort which often is befuddled by your hesitation to do so. The hesitation comes from anchoring on the 'big picture' which is more well-suited for long-term vision strategy where the path can be rather vague, instead of problem-solving where each step has to be specific and clear to execute. Know how to differentiate the two since they work in opposite directions.

-----------------------

Take this advice: "Muddy water, let stand, will become clear", from the wise Lao Tzu. We need to give time to allow confusion to settle before we can view clearly any options we have and decide accordingly. Always harbor the intention to see things better than it is so that your mind will naturally clear up to show you the way. So, keep calm and the solution shall come.